thank you for the link Suki - no luck on any meeting around here but I will be sure to try out there online thingy ma jigger. I have been to quite a few different meeting in my town, like maybe 4 or so groups? they weren't any youngsters there. I'm hoping thats a good thing i.e. they don't need to be going.
and thank your for your post creek - I know you are right but it's like my brain just won't accept the possibility of a nice life. It's like it feels I need to be punished a bit more for how I've acted. I also have deadlines all over the place right now, and like I said I haven't even picked up a book so far this year. So maybe its futile trying. I guess I'll have to get my degree in the future if at all.
Maybe if I forced myself I could pick up a crappy result but its doubtful, plus my motivation is like non existant. Its like I've given up on life and I'm finding it very hard to change my thinking...