Thanks for your post TG. Next week is my "R"AH birthday and me being the person that I am have already been thinking about what I might do for celebrating. Of course I don't feel totally up to it and your post confirms my last thought - I am not going to plan anything. He can do something with the kids and either he or they can arrange it.
If I have time I will maybe make a pie and just drop it off to him and will not even expect any thanks or acknowledgement.
I am the family planner but my AH actions are not conducive to bringing us together as a family.
BTW - moving back together was "put on a shelf" at one of our counseling sessions last month, so there is no back and forth about that issue.
Reading your posts I see you are so strong and have a lot of courage to stick it out with your RAH. You are always cognizant of other poster's feelings and always offer positive comments.
My wish is that you remember some of your own advice and focus on yourself and what you need. It's his birthday to do what he wants with it, you gave him a choice.
Enjoy your time, maybe take your 13 year old out to dinner and have some fun!