Hey there.
Yeah, I understand my personality and motivations pretty well and a big part of my recovery has been understanding, addressing and working on resolving/recovering from various personal, mental and emotional stuff that I suffered with and can still suffer from time to time with. I know for me then there was underlying stuff that I drank over and which is unique pretty much to me and my situation. I would only trust this stuff with proffessionals.
I find that overanalysis really doesn't do too much good though to be honest and other than stuff that I have to be mindful of on a daily basis, my recovery and life is pretty good really. My personality will always be my personality and I'm happy with that, I've always stayed true to myself and never sold out, I like the bands, style, politics, women, comedians, football team, that I've always loved and that will never change, unless it's meant to change. I loved booze and drugs too and it was a massive part of my life but I'm grateful for the mad times I had, the crazy people I met and spent time with, the crazy gigs I played at and watched and the insane trips that I went on. I've also had many amazing times in my recovery over the past 20 months and I have been truly blessed. I am eternally grateful for my acceptance of my alcoholism, knowledge of exactly what i would always be like with and acceptance of that. I'm excited and looking forward to my future and that's a beautiful thing solely courtesy of recovery. My sobriety and recovery gives my life a great future, my drinking life was totally hopeless and I'm grateful of that knowledge and that for me moderation is but a fairytale. Also it's a fairytale I wouldn't want as like I say, modertion and drinking to me just does not compute, I just don't see the point, total carnage or peaceful recovery for me.
I just felt like writing a post on SR and through experiences I have been at and seen recently out and about I just was reflecting on the reality of drinking for me.
Peace