Zero moderation...
It's interesting how different alcoholics drank/drink in different ways. For me then I just simply cannot relate to the alcoholics who would talk about starting off slowly with the booze and then gradually over time increasing their dosage, so to speak.
For me then when I drank then I always would wish to drink until I passed out, passing out is the only thing that would stop me drinking. My intitial tolerance for booze at 14 was remarakably high and the point at which I would pass out from booze increased as my drinking progressed. Though my style of drinking also progressed to where i would gulp all of my drinks in one, so a drinking session of 12 pints alone would be 12 pints pretty much downed in one. Certainly the more drinks I had then the quicker they would go down and the more I would want more.
For me then I only ever drank to get totally and utterly smashed as that's how I liked it, I would get excited as those initial drinks went down in anticipation of getting totally and utterly wasted. That would never change with me and I could only ever view alcohol as a means to get absolutely smashed and it would be like that from the get go. So for me I probably would lose evrything pretty much immediately as once I took a drink then every second of my freetime would be spent getting obliterated.
Just interesting I guess how some people could drink with control, I never possessed any control whatsoever when it came to drink which is ultimately why I had to give it up and what ultimately highlighted to myself and other people my alcoholism. My thoughts and feelings towards alcohol are just alcoholic through and through. I guess it stems from being brought up in England as many people also enjoy getting blackout drunk and it's not uncommon but the differnce is that I always blacked out when i drank followed by passing out a few hours later. This would always be like that too which is why I'm an alcoholic and why I don't drink. For me then if I had any notion of control or moderation then I would drink again, so I'm grateful that I only ever drank to total and utter excess. I am grateful for that terrible consequences I suffered from my drinking both mentally, emotionally, socially and materially to in many ways as without them then I wouldn't have been able to get a full understanding of my reality as far as alcohol is concerned.
I think the difference with many other wreckheads in England is they have the ability to calm down and have a few at a BBQ or in the beer garden in the summer. For me then I would just end up buying 8 cans from the shop after an afternoon at the beer garden and just looking forward to mashing my head up. Also i would always drink far more than evrybody else and far quicker to. Ultimately they're all just lightweights. Ha-ha.
That's what's great about being an alkie, there's nothing lightweight about it as you've been there in the thick of it all and came out the other side and people can tell that you ain't bullsh*tting which I think is why I've never had a problem with other people as far as not drinking goes and respect.
Peace