One of the positive things that this break is doing for me is also my strong belief is that the break is good for AH too.
This came to me the last time he picked me up from a business trip drunk, after I KNOW he hadn't had anything to drink all week. Oddly, this was a pattern.
I'd say I have to be away all week, he's say "oh, no" as if my being away let his demons out of the cage. Then I'd be away, and I'd call him and he'd be sober as a judge. The kids would say, "Mom, Dad hasn't been drinking all week." But the day I set foot at home, he'd go BACK to drinking.
I am NOT saying I am the cause of his drinking. I know perfectly that I'm not. However, I think it has to do with the crazy way alcoholicss and their codependent interact, even on a very subconscious level.
I think I recently posted that I did ask AH why this happens, and he said that it's because he knows he has to hold his life together when I'm away, but then when I come back, he can let loose. ?????
Some may say that's manipulation, or blame, but I see it as an honest recognition that we both have very strong subliminal patterns that have been built over the years. I can say I'm going to stop controlling, but those control vibes are still at my root. I can say I'm going to stop overfunctioning and let him take up the slack, but it takes time for those non-verbal messages to dissipate into the air forever.
That's why I KNOW we both need time to relinquish those patterns, and I know that by my ferociously working on myself during this time, I can help purge and dissolve all those vibes, cues, and harmful thinking that are helping to do us BOTH in.
MamboQueen, you are being very brave. I admire your strength--believe in your soul you are doing exactly what you should. This stuff is certainly a tragedy, and you can recognize it, grieve over it, and get on with living YOUR best life.