Originally Posted by
wanttobehealthy 
I have stayed (and I haven't EVER been this honest about this so be gentle with me!) because I don't want to face the consequences of being painted as the crazy one...I have selfishly stayed in large part (though there is love in my heart for him as well) because I don't want to be viewed negatively by our community and he has already demonstrated that he will destroy (or try to) my reputation if I leave...
The fact that you can clearly see this dynamic in your life is HUGE, and will go a long way in helping you get better. We cannot change the things we are not aware of.
I cannot say this better than CatLover did:
"It is a very good thing that now, as an adult, you are beginning to see this damage for what it is, what it created in you, what it has done to your perspectives and life choices. Now, as an adult, you are doing a terrific thing - reaching out to change. You are here, on a board, looking for information, support, perspectives. This is a wonderful step, utilizing your now adult abilities, to start to look at your life and make changes, both for yourself, and for your children."
Yes, yes, yes!