I get tjp's point, and I understand wanttobe's, as I have a friend who is barely speaking to me now because I repeated back to her what she was saying in different language. Re-framing is helpful - especially when we have been raised in crazy and can't tell which end is up sometimes.
Sometimes we really CAN'T hear ourselves and it is helpful (or motivational through anger or reaction) to another interpretation of our words.
wanttobe, I had a husband from a well-regarded family. Only I knew that they were all crazy and vicious. I am still hearing crap (as recently as last week) about how awful I am and how I ruined his business by the things I said. What's true is that his behavior ruined our marriage and his business is failing due to the way he has been handling things, and I just got out. And now everybody's mad at me for getting out and ruining the "happy family" facade.
What IS true? My kids are happy, healthy, peaceful, and free to just be children. I am on my own. Making big decisions and not always enjoying every single minute, but doing it. And not living with abuse.
You know what's right for your children. Even if it's hard for you, you will do what's best for them.