I was just describing my problem to someone earlier today, and this is pretty much EXACTLY what I'm like. It's borderline creepy cause I just related to everything you said 100%. I made a post in the substance abuse forums about how NA just doesn't seem to be enough to fight the "****-its." NA doesn't make me relapse, but I don't think it works for me cause I always relapse. I reach an awful place using, eventually quit with help usually, rehab or halfway house or whatever. I get all into recovery at first and for a few months, I'm loving going to meetings and getting clean and making all sorts of plans for the future. Totally on a pink cloud. Then anywhere from a few weeks to almost a year later, I start to get bored, restless, my attitude becomes more negative, everything feels repetitive and uninteresting and unchallenging. Then, by the time I actually relapse, I just don't care. I go from having a craving to making a decision to use in less than a second. That's why calling my sponsor and others when that happens is futile, because once I've made up my mind, I'm gone. I REALLY need to get clean for good but I know what's gonna happen. I guess we need to figure out how to not relapse when those feelings inevitably develop after a few months of recovery. If I knew how to do that, I wouldn't be here though.