Honestly, my boundries seem to apply to me more than anything else. They are what I'll tolerate and won't. Some are boundries, some are just things I practice. Here are some of mine:
"No drinking while taking care of the kids."
Bar none, zero tolerance, put the kids in jeopardy and find yourself alone. I haven't run across this one yet since we have been trying to work things out but I am fully prepared to carry it out. Because I am a parant and it is my responsibility. This is the one thing that would ruin any chance of this working out.
"I won't communicate at all with him if he's been drinking"
If I see that he has, total shutout till he's sober. I know I can't control him, can't make him not drink, but I can control whether I participate in it.
" I will keep my end completley honest. Whether he does or not"
Our breakup occured largely due to a lack of communication. I have decided that I will tell all, no holds barred, whether it's in talking face to face or writing an email or letter. Even if it hurts, it's coming out. Sometimes if I'm not comfortable with telling him face to face I'll write it out, read it a couple of times and give it to him.
"I won't worry about what he's done since we 've been apart"
Whether he drank and how much, whether he contacted other females, participated in dating services or whatever. I only stated that if he had been sexually active with someone else he needed to say so, since sexually transmitted diseases and such would be a concern. He says he has'nt, I can only hope he's being honest about it. Thats a risk I have to take, to beleive what he tells me about that.
"I won't take care of him"
I won't clean up after him, I won't go get car insurance on him. I'll help him as long as he's trying. But I won't handle it all to a point that I'm gonna break down like I did before. If he drinks, gets stopped and hauled in, I won't go pick him up.
" I won't let my recovery be threatened"
I will continue my alanon and my goal to better myself, no matter what happens. I realize it is what is keeping me sane.
Anyways those are just some of the things I practice. Some qualify as a boundry, some don't. Hugs to everyone...Teggie