support as I start talking divorce, please
So, I am finally starting the conversation of divorce. Finally, courageous enough to say, "This is not working for me"...
and I am observing I am forgetting, misplacing, losing things all the time.
I just got a call from the store this morning saying they had my wallet. The finder took my cash (~$60) and left everything else. I am relieved and pissed at them. Losing my wallet makes me SO FRUSTRATED with myself! (for being so unaware to put my wallet in my pocket - where I know it could fall out - FP, you have known you always have to bring a purse if you take your wallet. That was your own fault...etc.) and more stressed.
I think I don't notice I'm stressed because I disassociate. I feel befuddled and unhappy and really I am super anxious. I am noticing that is HOW I exhibit stress (if the forgetting and losing ramp up, I need to be gentle with myself) and I need to really hone in on self care right now.
I don't feel like I can handle regular life (bills, taxes, work) AND divorce! There is no convenient time to divorce! Oh! The piles of legal documents! The heartache! The loss! UGH!!
So, I need to come to earth. Slow down. Any advice of how to HANDLE this? How to get back in my body? How to survive? I feel so...
I feel like I don't have the...strength? Skills? Ability? to get through right now! I feel like running away from life. I feel like giving up. I feel SO SAD. I feel so adrift. A big part of it is probably the letting go. Letting go of not much relationship anymore, but I think I subconciously feel safe in a relationship. Protected. Now I'm all alone and can't handle the whole world all alone. Certainly now with so much to get through and so much sadness at the same time. How in the world do I DO this? ugh.
thanks.
fp