So many times when I was struggling, hanging on by my fingernails, I came to SR. To hear the wisdom and to share the pain and the joy. I haven’t posted much. Seems like every time I’m ready to add my thoughts someone has already said the same thing, and said it much better than I could. But I’m here often and you guys have made all the difference. Thank You!
Wow, I can’t believe it. If you only knew how many times I said I was going to quit, that I did quit….and failed. So many years. I know I’m on the first leg of a journey, with a long way to go. But it’s one I’m looking forward to.
There have been so many changes in feelings and emotions in the last year. The one that stands out the most is……..I’m happy again. Not all the time of course, I still have my bad days and crabby days. But I have happy days now too. I didn’t realize it but happiness, joy hasn’t been in my vocabulary for many years.
The other day a memory just hit me. I was in my late 20’s, a hot summer day, sitting out on my porch watching my 7 year old son and 5 year old daughter playing in the yard while the most beautiful woman in the world, my wife was puttering in the garden. I remember thinking that I was the luckiest guy in the world. Totally happy, actually feeling the sensation of joy. We didn’t have two nickels to rub together, had a nowhere job, no idea what my future was. But that didn’t seem to matter. I remember thinking I lived in the most beautiful state, in the best country in the world at a time in history that is the best that’s ever been, with a fantastic family and how did I get so lucky.
There have been way too many times between then and now that weren’t so happy. Mistakes made, people hurt and it seems like alcohol was involved in all of the bad times. But part of what I’ve learned this year is the past is the past and you can’t beat yourself up forever. Now, I’m just so grateful to remember the happy times again, and look forward to making more of them.
Sobriety doesn’t make you happy, but it lets you be happy.
Thanks again SR!!
