Hi there.
You know how you said, "I never seem to be close enough to "God's will" throughout my day, and just do what I feel like doing", well you know God's will, right? I mean, He can't want you to use. He loves you and wants you to be well and take care of yourself. So if you take steps going in that direction, like going to meetings, you can be sure that you are following His will and turning your will and life over. God bless you!