I wouldn't call what you're experiencing "toxic". I call what you're experiencing discomfort. And if you're waiting to be comfortable to get sober, well, I just haven't seen that happen. Early sobriety is just uncomfortable. Walk into an AA meeting and my God, this is just too real. And don't look now, but I'm sitting in a room full of these, these, THESE ALCOHOLICS!!!!!! They even call themselves alcoholics OUT LOUD. And they talk about the things that they did, and where it took them. And then I start to realize they are talking about what I've been experiencing. And then they are able to describe how they felt and it's exactly what I'm feeling. And they said they got past it and gave me hope that if I did what they did, I would too. And guess what, it wasn't comfortable. Most people who continue to seek comfort above sobriety don't get or stay sober. One of the first lessons I was taught was FEELINGS AREN'T FACTS. And I had to start making decisions not based on what I felt, but what was the right course of action. That was a totally foreign concept to me.