My two cents worth, I wanted to cry when i read your post. This partially described my feelings about my AH and the resistance to divorce. Having stated that, I see that what is really missing is the part about respect for one another.
Through it all, the good and the bad, the difficulty staying together and pulling apart, I did lose respect for him and let me face the fact that he never had any respect for me, worse is that he never respected himself. If he did, I don't think I would be at this point.
So thanks for sharing. It was a help in sorting through this part for me.