Hi Ennui and welcome to the forum!
WOw.
Were it not taking place in another century,
your post could easily become mine at your age.
As it is I'm probably older than your mother.
Because you're a decade younger than my sons.
SO I'll throw on the Grandmother shawl
and welcome you to SR.
You sound as if you have a great start on the self awareness.
I'm so sorry the economy has driven you to what may be inevidable
have you considered finding some support in your area?
like an AlAnon or ACOA group nearby?
It'd be a great way to buffer what might be about to happen.
There's nothing wrong with having a plan
both for escape and for the next step.
A support circle of people
who know what it's like
is am amazing weapon to have in yer quiver.
I hope you'll make friends here
who can help you as well.
Welcome!