Hi there,
First off, I'm wary of disrespecting the experience at hand on this forum, as I don't believe my situation is quite up the alley of "Alcoholism Recovery". Never the less, I recognized a dependance on alcohol two months ago that took me immediately off my evening drink, and I've felt awkward ever since, and was hoping some of you may have insight on my situation.
As briefly as I can put it: for a couple of months I had a soda pretty much every morning and a glass or two of red wine every evening. This began to form a bad connection with my "last resort" whiskey - a bottle I'd kept under the bed incase of real trouble falling to sleep. I'd maybe had a sip or two of it one or two nights a week for a maybe a year (sometimes weeks without). Once I started having my evening wine, I noticed I was resorting to at least one sip of whiskey pretty easily. This went on mostly through December.
Come January, I notice my concetration is lapsing - that I'm feeling the intuitive restraint in doing basic tasks that I'd felt whenever I used to be in nicotine withdrawl (ex-smoker, very comfortably, for two years). So I decide to cut out evening wine and morning can of soda. After about a week of feeling dreadful and anxious, all that was left was that same lack of focuss - that intuitive retraction from mental work.
That was just about two months ago. I haven't had a drop of alcohol, nor have I craved it, except for noticing it missing in the evening. I haven't had caffinated soda, and for at least a month have made sure to cut sugars way back, too (seriously: I'm cautious of Apples) as I'm aware of the sugar dependancy related to drinking. And I still feel just as fogged and discouraged as I did at the start.
Now, as I said: this isn't typical recovery. I have not sworn off alcohol forever. I plan not to drink for a good long time, until I feel I can and would like to, but never as routine or as a crutch. Probably not for a year or so, if I had to guess, not that I'm waiting on it. I realize I may need to abstain permanently, but I just don't feel it controls my life that much. We still have a couple beers in the fridge and a couple bottles of liquor in the kitchen, and I couldn't care less. I don't feel deprived at all; I just don't want to have to feel handicapt for the rest of my life if it's something I can control.
The only thing that cieses to make sense is this endless fogginess. I'm about to schedule a doctor's appointment for advice, because I don't feel any improvment. If anything, I feel a physical sense of tension over what I could only place as sugar cravings, on top of the poor focuss. So my request is for any insight or advice you may have on, mostly, returning to feeling mostly normal. I'm sorry I went on for so long, but as I'm sure many of you can relate to, I feel I could write a book about this process for how frustrating it's been. All responses are greatly appreciated.
Thanks, and hope your day's going well.