Bella, I also am a newbie but my last bender was much like yours, but I drove almost halfway across our huge state drunk. I knew that I had to make changes and I am trying. I have been sober 6 days if I am allowed the gift of sobriety for another 24 hours. I have not let my guard down and have been doing all that I am asking from myself and others. I feel fear at how out of control this addiction becomes. I will be here for you if you need support. Bless you and the Benevolent God of Drunks who protects us during these horrendous benders. The fact that u have found SR is one thing to believe that there is hope. (())s The Lush