Yes, I've read through threads all day. I've definitely seen that detox is akin to sticking your little toe in the pool. The jumping in part comes after. I called my detox facility today after reading through a lot of this site and inquired about how they aid in facilitation of relapse prevention, and luckily they have a discharge planner on staff whose job is to coordinate your aftercare plan. Plus, the detox itself has 4 AA/NA meetings on site a day, so even while I am there I can get used to that kind of group support.
As for the whole recreational drug use, I'd like to think I've outgrown that, but I can't say I'm not scared that I would go that direction if my benzo recovery got especially bumpy.
I want to abstain, completely. I really do. I have a little bit of faith in myself, but I am starting to have more faith in the support systems available. Literally within 24 hours of going this site my whole viewpoint has changed; I thought prior I was just going to waltz out of detox perfectly fine because I'm going to a swanky place for 21 days instead of a not so swanky place for 7 days like the first time. Totally irrelevant, I see now.
Again, thanks for your input and support. Super happy I found this site. I can have my laptop at the detox facility too, so that will be good for me as well I think...