Three more things...
1. Check out Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. You might dig it.
2. The only thing you can expect from your father is to behave exactly as he has for years. Period. If you expect THAT, then no more surprises or disappointments.
3. Wishing him/life to be different than it is inherently is a no-win game. You can do it (and don't we all!), but it doesn't SERVE you.
I am a queen wisher! I am soooo good at it! LOL! I spend tons of time doing it. I secretly do it, even if I am trying to STOP doing it. It is tightly tied to waiting and hoping for me. I do those well, too.
If I have gotten anything from this board, it is the idea that I am wasting my time.
Not only that, but it is actually disrespectful to my AH to want him to be any other way than the way he wants to be.
For me to be the person I want to be and respect his choices, I have to accept he is they way he is.
From that point, I get to decide if I want to hang around with that behavior.
Hugs, peace