Why I'm still with her...
Many of you have asked me after reading many of my less than congenial posts, why I am still with my wife? It's a very good question. Another very good question is why the hell is she still with me, but that's for another time and not really my question to answer.
First and foremost is that I didn't always stay with her. I divorced her and we were apart for a little over two years. Had I not done that, I don't believe we would be together today. I needed to establish clearly and definitively what I would and would not accept from her, and the only way to do that was with the divorce. I also needed to protect myself from her financially.
Second, she never gave up. She never became that whiny, self-pitying, annoying drunk that so many of them are-- she never retreated into the bottle and gave up, or expected me to lift her out of it. She was mean, cruel, selfish, and bitchy, but never pathetic. While I was pissed at her, I never lost respect for her, and she never gave up trying to find sobriety. I respected that about her, and still do. She does not give up.
Third, I like her. I like her sense of humor, I like that she is my intellectual equal, and spiritually superior to me. I like that she pushes me to be a better man. I like that she has always encouraged me to put my recovery and Alanon first. Never, not once, has she stood between me and my recovery, drunk or sober.
Fourth, after all the **** we've been through and done to each other, we truly know each other at our absolute worst. We, literally, have no secrets from each other. She's seen, multiple times, the worst of me, yet still chooses me. I've seen, multiple times, the worst of her, yet I still choose her. It would take me years to get to know another human being as well as I know her, and I bet the same is true for her.
Fifth, and more importantly than any other item on this list, she has found recovery and sobriety (at least for the last 8 months). She was in jail, and I was on my way out the door, when this happened. She knows I've reached my limit and, it appears anyway, that this may have been her bottom.
Sixth, and this is required, I love her. But, let me be clear that this is the least important reason to stay together. I've said it before and I'll say it again, love is just the key that starts the car-- IT DOES NOT DRIVE IT! I smile when I look at her now. Something that hasn't been true since the 20th Century, literally. I love the way she looks (even over 40 and after long time alcohol and Pot abuse she's hot), I love way she smells, I can barely sleep when she's not with me, and she's the only women I want (wink, wink, nudge, nudge). That's how pathetic I am.
So, there you go. Now stop asking me why I'm still with her.
Take what you want and leave the rest.
Cyranoak
P.s. She's also an amazing cook. I'm just saying.