Originally Posted by
jrlcpl 
I very much felt like a father vs a husband. This is my codependence. You might want to do some research on it. I thought I knew how to fix my wife if she would only listen and do as I told. It will not work. Ever. I realized I was powerless over the alcohol and I was becoming just as sick because of my emotional state. Relationships with alcoholics are dysfunctional by nature so you feeling like a father is not surprising at all. Keep reading posts on this board. Try Al Anon. Again, take care of yourself and kids first and foremost.
I too have felt more like a father than a husband. When my aw would stay out till the middle of the night I would pace back and forth worried like a father over a teenage daughter. As the years went by I learned to detach and just go to sleep. Damage was being done to me nevertheless . It was humiliating to me as a man to deal with and damaged my self esteem.
Also a strange thing started happening in my marriage. My aw started to withdraw from family and friends. She stopped showing up at family functions so I started going alone. Everyone knew the problem with my aw and I'm sure they felt sorry for me. I didn't like that. What could I do though? The hardest part was my wife would insist that I "took" everyone away from her. That I "bought" them. She actually believes this and no amount of arguing about it will change her mind. I tuned everyone against her therefore it's my fault she has no family or friends. This is what's caused the most difficulty in my marriage hands down. I realize it's blame shifting but it's the most frustrating thing. Very hard to deal with.