I know exactly what you are talking about. My xah has done lots of things just like that (except for point #3). It is terrible and it did affected the kids but I didn't realize how much I guess. Sometimes I still can't figure out 'normal' or where to draw lines. I see it even more now because my xah isn't actually narcissistic for real, he's just that way when his drinking is spiraling. He's been in rehab for 6 weeks now and skypes the kids and since he is normal on the other end they have really responded. It makes it even more clear how not OK it was before.
I'm sorry I don't have advice. I feel like I dropped the ball on this myself because once again, I have fuzzy lines on what normal parenting is I guess. I grew up with quite a bit of emotional manipulation, even though I think it was completely unintentional. Just poor boundaries. I'm really looking forward to the replies. It is a timely thread for me too.