lillamy

Lindsey, one of my best friends is the child of two alcoholic parents. She's written a book about her experiences, so I'm not revealing any confidences when I tell you part of her story.

She ran away from her mom's house when she was 15, because she was tired of her mom's drunk boyfriends trying to rape her. She showed up at her dad's doorstep and told him what happened, and he said, "I can't take you in."

When we met, in our early 20s, she was dating guys I wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole and rubber gloves. All of them guys with addiction problems. And she knew they had problems. And when I asked her why on God's green earth, her response was something like this:

"When you've grown up like I grew up, all you know is that life is hell. You can't conceive of life not being hell. So therefore, you choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar one. At least that's what my therapist says."

I've thought about that so many times, because I think it's true regardless of your upbringing -- that we're more likely to choose the familiar, even if it is hell, than an unfamiliar situation, just because we know what our current situation is, but the unknown is really, really hard to choose. It's like buying a pig in a poke.

My story is that I stayed years past the expiration date of my marriage because I was afraid of leaving. I'm a single mom, scraping by, and living on a fraction of the budget and living space I had while married. But I have something I never had then -- peace of mind. And that, as the commercial says, is priceless.

Fear of the unknown is a healthy reaction. And sometimes, we just have to face that fear, stare it down, and walk straight through it. You've got my thoughts & prayers. (((hugs)))