Originally Posted by
brokenheartfool 
So to clarify, stating that I didn't discern where I ended and he began was innacurate, as the truth is that I saw "us" as "one" in emotional relationship matters, but not in our own personal quests or interests.
With others, not spouses, I can agree to disagree just fine on relationship matters. With spouses I find this particularly difficult as I desire to work toward the ideal and hold the spousal relationship to a higher standard.
I completely agree with what you have said here. What wasn't clear to me at the time was that I had a choice in the matter. I had certain expectations for a "spouse" that were not being met. And, I had cast a particular person in that role. Therefore, in my mind at least, he needed to live up to those expectations.
The piece of the puzzle that had eluded me, to that point, was that I could have expectations of the "role," but those expectations could not be applied to him as a person. I could not jam that person into that role any more than I could jam a square peg into a round hole. It was up to me to either change my expectations for the role, or re-cast it. (or leave it uncast, lol).
But, I could not see that at the time because I was so invested in the "us." More invested even than I was in "me."
L