I know what you mean, dancer. My first husband has been sober for 31 years with the help of AA. I'd been to a ton of meetings with him (and also with my second husband, who went back to drinking after nearly dying of liver failure), and I've seen so many miracles thanks to AA.
Yet, with all that, I felt in my own mind that AA was the absolute last resort--I figured I could think my way out of it, using my own willpower (as I did when I lost 60 pounds years and years ago).
When my drinking got bad enough, though, and all I saw in my future was drinking and being alone for the rest of my life, a little voice inside said, "What are you WAITING for? You KNOW what works." I quit drinking that week, went to my first meeting (for MYSELF), and have not picked up a drink since. That was two and a half years ago.
Keep an open mind. I see a lot of people here that do struggle and finally go to an AA meeting and embrace the program, and their lives are getting better and better.