Photuris, I'm trying to understand this. How is he holding down a job if he's falling down drunk all the time? How has he been drunk like this for years without repurcussions such as DUI's, problems at work, failing health? Or has all that happened to him?
I get the feeling you're protecting him. Always there when he falls. It's hard when you have kids because if he's the breadwinner, of course you want to protect his job so you don't lose the house. I was in that situation, though my husband wasn't an alcoholic. But, I've gotten smart. I went to school and now, I don't need to rely on a man as breadwinner. That way, if I ever did end up with an alcoholic, if he fell in the gutter, that is where I'd leave him. I'm not an expert on this board, but I believe that it takes medical help to help the alcoholic remain sober. I would think what it takes to get them to the point where they seek that help is when they become aware that their life is worse when drinking than better. For example, if an alcoholic man falls down drunk outside in the gutter, don't help him up, leave him all night, and if a dog or whatever comes and urinates on him, etc. let him suffer that.
In the movie "Days Of Wine and Roses" that is what happened to the main character and the humiliation and all the rest of suffering he did caused him to say "enough". In that same movie, the main character's wife remained a drunk but I think it's because she hadn't hit rock bottom yet.
Personally, I don't think a person is unable to stop drinking; he just doesn't want to. My brother was somebody who was an alcoholic for at least 20 years. He only stopped about a year ago, because the liquor tore up his esophagus and he was put into the hospital for the DT's. It was rather unpleasant to say the least. But, that is my point: A person will stop drinking if their lives becomes a living hell.
On the other hand, when you enable the alcoholic, what incentive does he have to change? He gets drunk, somebody calls in to work for him. He's covered. He gets drunk, somebody goes to the store and gets more groceries and liquor for him: He's covered. He's too drunk to get up and shower: you make him fresh coffee and drag him to the shower and present freshy washed clothes for him. See what I mean? Next time he gets drunk, let him starve. Let him make his own coffee, let him walk to the store and get his own food. See what I mean?