Lushly: Your story sounds like some of the others I've read. You'll find some of them in the back of the Big Book. Sounds like you could be headed for real trouble since something's causing all this self destructive behavior. If it were my situation I think I'd be well advised to talk over the rehab option with my counselor. Detox could be life threatening and you probably need medical help for that. Never give in. Keep on struggling. Many folks have made it back from being in just the situation you're in right now. I'd ask the counselor for a reference to a doctor who has a lot of experience with alcoholism. You need help. I very much doubt that you can do it alone and you're in an increasingly dangerous situation.
W.