yes that's the difficulty with an ultimatum, I wanted ex to stop drinking and be happy about that, not all miserable and resentful of me for taking his toys away.
When I left AH, I said that I could no longer live with someone whose drinking and behaviour was the way his was. He asked if there was anything he could do. I stated that the only way I would consider giving it any further chance was if we seperated and he got sober for 3-6 months and then we could look at whether we had any marriage worth working on, he accepted the latter terms, but didn't give up drinking for a single day, and bitched about the seperation constantly, I can't imagine how resentful he would have been if he had given up drinking to maintain the relationship.
was that an ultimatum? a gazillionth chance? or a boundary? I neither know nor care, it's over now.