Supercrew

I would like to get a little feedback on some thoughts about my alcoholism. I have been having quite an easy go of this current stint of sobriety, and I feel really comfortable with the fact that I don't have any cravings, and can honestly say that I don't think I will ever have a problem with alcohol again. The thing that sort of ticks me off is that I didn't see it sooner in my life.

I finally came to the conclusion that drinking was a learned response, and much like Pavlov's dog, as soon as the thought of drinking came to mind I associated it with fun, relaxation, good times, prosperity, youth, sex and every good and fun thing I have ever done. That response to the thought of alcohol made it impossible for me to ever even contemplate life without it. That response was ingrained in me for the last 27 years. So basically it wasn't a situation or a problem or a specific group of people that triggered me to drink, it was the thought of drinking that was the trigger that got the chemicals moving in my brain.

Now millions of people all over the world have similar thoughts regarding alcohol and they are able to lead productive lives. But when I found out that my body reacts to alcohol differently than most, and that I am truly allergic to the thing that I have basically had ingrained on my brain as the greatest thing in the world, and the thought of it alone makes my adrenaline pump and makes me find it and pour it down my throat that is the reason that I would continue to drink even when I knew what the consequences would be.

Before I truly thought I was an alcoholic and before I did the hours of research I have done over the last 6 months on my problem, it was still a mystery to me why I always had to drink like a wild man, even though I knew damn well the hell I was gonna be in when the hangover the next day was coming, so I reprogrammed my brain further to look forward to the next day so I could start drinking again.

If I never learned how to love drinking I would have never had this problem, or if I wasn't born with the alcoholic gene this might have never been a problem. But when you have been programmed to love drinking, and when you weren't born with an off switch, this is where a true alcoholic is formed.

If I was born 20 years earlier and the information I have been able to read wasn't available to me I really don't think I would have been able to figure out that my biggest drinking trigger was the thought of drinking itself. Without this knowledge I would have had to think my obsession was something unexplainable and maybe i would have looked for spiritual help. But, at least in my case, the reason why I didn't quit drinking even when it was stupid and caused problems and caused pain is because my brain had been programmed so strongly to feel positive about all aspects of alcohol that no matter what the situation I would still feel good about drinking it.

I almost have trouble reading in the forum with post after post of I can't live without it, I can't stop, you have to admit your powerless, because now it seems a clear to me as the nose on my face. If you are an alcoholic and alcohol causes major issues in your life and you won't stop drinking, it's because your brain doesn't want to stop because it has been taught that alcohol is good. That is probably why 90 in 90 has worked for many people because it was able to deprogram that learned response, but I think in my case as in many other alcoholic's cases the learned association of alcohol and good feelings will always be there on some level, until the pain of drinking finally outweighs the pain of being without the miracle elixir.

Thoughts?