Thx for your support guys!
He feels I did give him an ultimatum when I responded to a comment he made about smoking. I said I needed to think about this because it sounded like he wanted to smoke daily. I explained that I don't have a problem with how anyone chooses to live their life, unless it impacts how I live my life and that would definitely impact my life. He can't live under the "rule" (as he calls it) of smoking only occasionally. He said he couldn't even live under the idea of smoking only 2-3x per week. He believes he's responsible because his bills are paid, but he doesn't understand how he changes under the influence. He becomes grandiose and extremely hard to communicate with. He thinks I'm hyper-sensitive because of the environment I grew up in (mother = alcoholic), and that I'm being unreasonable and judgmental. I started to believe that maybe that was the case, and am still open to exploring that option for my own health, but that doesn't change what I see as his addiction. His friends are all potheads and alcoholics and are, for the most part, functional people. He doesn't see the physical and emotional damage it causes so he has no reason to believe it's bad.
The more I read on the boards and talk w/ friends who've been through similar situations, the more I'm convinced I am not being judgmental or hyper-sensitive. This is a great forum and I'm looking forward to becoming acquainted with this awesome support network!