Stick to your convictions
Hi Granola,
You are very wise.
I am sorry to hear of your pain. Please know that .....you can love someone, but that doesn't mean that you have to BE with that person for the rest of your life. In fact, two people can love eachother...but that doesn't mean that they are GOOD for eachother.
If he loved you more than anything (pot or beer) he'd choose YOU over THEM. But it sounds like he can't right now, meaning these substances have a grip on him. What about an ultimatum: he needs to seek counseling or NA and if he doesn't, you'll walk. That way you have given him the power to write his own walking papers...or not.
Brace yourself for the sad and lonely times.
He may seem to be functioning right now, but that depends on your definition of "functioning." He is obviously letting one of the best things in his life slip away due to these substances. That has gotta hurt your feelings. But knwo that it is not YOU that he is rejection, it is the SUBSTANCES that are drawing him in.
He is letting these substances interfere with his personal relationships. Believe me, I come from an area in Nothern California where the pot grows rampant and I've seen its effects on a lot of people. It is the biggest de-motivator around. Not right now, but some day, you will be glad you didn't hook up with a pot head. You would have bought a home together, but eventually, he would be interested in doing little more than sitting in that house, on teh couch, in front of the TV, smoking. No activities, no career, no drive, no sex, no person left...
Save yorself first, only if you have energy left after that, can you then attempt to offer him solutions to his addictions.