Hi Florence and Welcome to SR,
My circumstances are fairly similar to yours, as in I suddenly twigged on to alcohol being the major problem in our marriage after 21 yrs. Up until then, I thought that we just couldnt communicate effectively even though we had tried couples councelling numerous times. It turns out that there were three of us in the marriage and so it got a bit crowded! (borrowed from the late Lady Dianne)
About 2 yrs ago, I was watching our finances, recording AH spending on alcohol, and became pretty obsessive about it all, it was making me an emotional wreck particulary when my AH said that he was going to drink forever and if I didnt like it, I could leave.
Someone recommended that I try Al-anon which I had never heard of before. That was when I discovered the term alcholic applied to my husband. I was devistated and upset that I had to attend Al-anon and how my life had got to this point. Al-anon was a relief for me as I could relate to many of the sharings from the other members and things started clicking into place. We have a few members who continue to live/stay married to active alcoholics and I thought that I would give that a try.
Its been hard work as I still focus on my alcoholic too much and sometimes that makes me feel a bit crazy. A book I read called 'Under the Influence' which helped me find some empathy with what my husband is going through, in that he would choose alcohol over a 22 yr marriage, certainly not 'normal' behaviour!
Your AH has admitted that he has a problem and he is trying, very hard, by the sounds of it to obtain sobriety and that has to be a positive.
I am seeing a therapist currently, and I feel like she is preparing me to leave him FWIW. Could be paranoid.
I currently see a therapist and have seen another in the past 18months and both have encouraged me to leave. I am not ready to face that yet and continue to stay. Yes my AH is an alcoholic but he works hard to provide and more often than not, I enjoy my current life with him, despite the drinking. I wonder whether the therapist realises that we are not healthy in mind even wanting to stay with an alcoholic and their negative behavours. Most 'healthy minded' people would just say this isnt for me and leave. I believe that after 22yrs with my alcoholic my own unhealthy behaviours have slowly progressed and developed along side my alcoholics and I am trying to get healthy again.
I agree that you are in a very difficult position, and you need to focus on yourself and children. Keep reading and posting, you dont have to make a difficult desision now. Knowledge is power. Wait until you feel comfortable with any desiscion you make and you will know what is right, when its right.