You can go to open AA meetings but not share about your al-anon issues.
Have you read the stickies at the tops of the families forums? They contain loads of wisdom.
and you are always welcome to share here..it saved my butt when I needed it getting out of an abusive alcoholic relationship.
You will get alot more responses also.
I haven't exactly been in your shoes.
Mine never went to recovery or bothered to lie about drinking. and there were no shared children.
You are in a tough situation.