When I first started Alanon I "cross talked" and got an earful from an old timer.several times actually (over the same incident).Old me would've been mortified and pissed but, but alanon has offered me so much I heard was was said..stopped "cross talking" and continued on..that old timer later helped me very much with my recovery..I would've missed out if i had stayed with the afore mentioned "black and white" thinkingwhich i suffered from all my life..have you heard the phrase "trust the process?" That would be one way to look at this...