I finally felt I was backed into a corner and that I couldn't live in active alcoholism (the chaos, the craziness, the insanity). When I realized that other than my own life partner, I didn't know anyone else who drank the way he did or smoked pot. If I wasn't going to accept this in friends and other family members, *why* or *why* was I accepting this from my life partner? I actually had a couple of dreams that gave me the wake up call. I knew I had to go. I was so beaten, worn out and fatigued from hopelessness and sadness. I was becoming numb. "The bottom" lasted, however, months after I left my AH too (sleepless nights, worrying, sadness, walking through life as a zombie). I didn't realize that was my bottom, until I looked back.