I think what happened with my RAH was an intervention. I had been reading for years about interventions. I had felt "hopeless" for years about his daily drinking (and how both of our lives had become so chaotic and crazy). Yes, I watched many episodes of the show as well, sometimes even with my AH when he was in the throws of his addiction. I remember just crying and crying, watching those episodes, wishing I could try something like that.
The "intervention" for my RAH seemed to happen over a few years & a couple of "confrontations" with family members over this "few year period." About a year and a half ago, I hit my bottom and left with our child. Then, my RAH began spiraling downward, appearing to hit his bottom. That's when his family members and I attempted an intervention. It ended up not working at that moment. However, it became the impetus for *the* intervention that ended up working.
I ended up "coercing" my AH into rehab. I called several rehab facilities. I even visited a few in advance. I had never seen my AH so ill. I just felt if he didn't get help soon, he might not make it. The facilities that pretty much dismissed me with the usual, "Ma'am, *he* has to be the one to come here on his own!" were the ones I knew I couldn't work with. There were some places that said the addict/alcoholic had to be sober. Because I didn't know if my husband would be sober or not when I went to get him, I decided not to go with that facility. (Of course, in the end, my husband was the one who had to agree to go so these facilities were correct.)
I set up the place I was going to take him in advance. I had called my insurance company. I had spoken with the facility. I had prearranged everything. I first picked my husband up and asked him to come have lunch with me. Because he technically had to "consent," I asked him to go with me to a rehab facility during "our lunch." He was too sick to eat. He had lost so much weight. He was shaking. His eyes were yellow and bloodshot. He was in very bad shape. Initially "at lunch," he refused to even go to the facility but I just wouldn't take no for an answer. (I didn't know if it would work but neither of us had anything to lose. I wanted to get him to at least "try" rehab.) He was really reluctant but agreed to basically "just check the place out." I didn't care. As long as he agreed to go there with me. I had already mapped directions to the place so straight from "our lunch," we drove to the facility. (It was an hour and a half away in the country). Once we got there, the counselor was awesome. (The counselor was already expecting us). He asked all of the right questions. He separated us and talked to each of us separately. My husband kept saying he would check the place out "another time!" I told myself that if I had to do a sit-in at this place refusing to drive him back until he agreed, I was going to do it. I felt like we were "this close!" to getting him to agree to stay. I could see that my husband was broken himself. He was at his bottom. He didn't fight me like he had in the past, turning arguments around and starting to quack. He was truly broken at that time, as if he didn't have the strength to fight me on this. *Finally,* my husband agreed to enter this facility if we could go back home together to get his belongings. He also said, "I'm going to smoke a joint once I get home to get my stuff." The counselor (a recovering addict himself) said, "Go ahead. Smoke a joint. Do whatever you're going to do but come back!" My husband must've wanted this recovery himself because we went back home and he packed his clothes. Part of me feared that he might take off. He didn't. We drove back the hour and a half drive again out into the country where the rehab facility was. It was dark by then.
At the point my husband agreed to "check out" the rehab facility, he was so sick and tired of being sick and tired and so sick and tired of being high/drunk, alone in our house. He was ready but needed the push into rehab. He has been sober for 11 months. (I have been with him for 15 years/separated a year and a half. He has never been sober for more than a a day all the years I had known him until he entered rehab 11 months ago. Every day he is sober is a miracle.)
I understand that there are "right ways" to do interventions. However, each series of circumstances probably have to be considered. Everything had come together. My husband was ready.
Bottom line, however, the addict/alcoholic has to be ready (even if he does not have the ability/control to get/be sober on his or her own) and the addict/alcoholic has to want it. I believe that my RAH was in a place where he just couldn't get started on sobriety but was desperately wanting it.
I would not recommend what I did necessarily to anyone. It worked for us because all of the circumstances had come together, making it the right opportunity for my husband and for our family. As part of my husband's rehab experience, I realized and learned that *I* really needed to do my own recovery work as well!
I haven't moved back home yet. After my husband reaches one year, I am considering moving back home. (That will be next month).