Originally Posted by
dogluvah 
I'd like to ask you: Are you still with your husband? If so, are you staying because of the kids?
I stayed a long time because of the kids but after 16yrs together I divorced him 12 months ago.
I say because of the kids because that is where my head was at the time but I had a lot of unhealthy thinking and behavior patterns that I was not aware of. A healthy person would a) not have dated him b) not have married him c) not have stayed married to him. Healthy people make decisions that are in their own best interests - period.
I used to think some people led charmed lives but when I looked more closely (at one person in particular that I am close enough to to know some intimate details) it wasn't that challenges never crossed her path - she just made different decisions up front. Decisions that were in her best interest. This meant she was often spared having to make much larger decisions down the road.
I can also see how I never had that skill. The coping skills I learned pretty much guarenteed the exact opposite. I'm working to change that now and I really have to think about it.
Controlling your own life, actions, decisions, behavior is a good thing. Trying to control someone elses - not so much.