Thumper, your post really resonated with me and it really does seem like the thought process I am approaching this situation is just like you say it is.
I'd like to ask you: Are you still with your husband? If so, are you staying because of the kids?
I just emailed his roommate some direct questions asking him how much this guy really drinks and smokes, and would he recommend him to me. Waiting on him to response. Thing is, he roommate was drunk that night too. And he also went out for a smoke with him.