But, I do hear all of you and it's scary what you are saying. I just need to know more about where his mind it. If his attitude is, "I like drinking heavily all the time, and I like smoking, and I won't change for you or anybody" welll, there would be skid marks from my car leaving his drive way after that.
That's not how they operate. Someone said earlier that alcoholics are con men (or women) and that is so true. They will be whatever they think you want them to be as long as they are interested in you or until they have you hooked. Then, their true colors will come out, but by then, you will probably be so much in love with the image he gave you at first, that you'll still convince yourself that he has a disease and it's not his fault and that with the right amount of love and support from you, he can quit drinking or whatever it is he does.
This forum is full of people who started out just like you. Read the threads and you'll see. We aren't stupid people either. We just got mixed up with the wrong person and did not heed the warning signs and red flags. We maybe felt like our situation was different. That all those horrible things wouldn't happen in our relationship because, really, he's not that bad.
You came here asking our opinion and the general consensus is that you should let this guy pass on by. But, you'll do whatever you want to do. We're just trying to help you avoid some of the misery that we went through.