Another "wow" thread for me today. And I also can't say it better than brokenheartedfool... as long as I lived my own life, never 'needed' anything from him, never questioned anything, never mentioned the damage done when he was drinking, I was the best wife ever.
Translate that to be a non-human with no value. Is that abuse? I felt it was from my perspective. But not done with malice and forethought...just by protecting his delusions and addictions. And it was my choice to put up with that for as long as I did. I can say that I was verbally abusive in return sometimes, out of trying to defend myself from the blameshifting.