I know plenty of nice active alcoholics. I also know plenty of nasty ones. You can be a 'nice' alcoholic and still be "checked out" as Brokenhearted fool said. Hey, I can be checked out even without alcohol as a result of growing up in abuse and learning to disassociate. I'm sure my kids don't like it when I'm emotionally disconnected. And yeah, abuse takes many forms as Eightball said. When married to an active alcoholic, even a 'nice' one you're only ever going to be the third wheel in the equation because the primary relationship is with the bottle and this relationship is guarded and protected above anything and anyone. My father was a 'nice' one. But, as we know, alcoholism progresses and his did. When it did, I did not feel safe around him and I was not safe around him. His alcoholism almost killed him, several times. This does have an affect on family and friends. My mother was and still is addicted to the freeze dried stuff and is very violent.
It seems that denial can run very deep with alcoholism and with us ACoA's (adult children of alcoholics). My denial ran so deep, at my first meeting, when it was my time to share, I said that my father's alcoholism hadn't affected my life! Now I look back, laugh and wonder "what was I thinking?" My denial has run so deep that after 20 years of abstinance, hating alcohol and it affects on the people around me, being almost vigilante regarding alcohol use/abuse and having a healthy lifestyle, I didn't notice my own drinking creeping up on me. Actually I did notice, but I justified my drinking and put it down to a 'phase' because I've been going through a hard time as I did previously, 20 years earlier when I drank alcoholically. I also decided it was my time to 'party' occasionally and have a drink because I didn't have to worry about my alcoholic partner/s anymore. I'm a 'nice' person. I've always put my children first. I've always been the responsible one, the sober one. I don't drink around my kids as I needed to be the 'sober' example for them. I thought I'd be the last person in my family to have a problem with drinking. However, I'd distracted myself with alcoholic partners during those twenty years and now that I'm 'clean' of my addiction to alcoholic partners, my dormant addiction has crept in again. I don't even want to admit it to myself. But, I'm finding once in a while, when I don't have my kids, I tell myself I'm going to have one or two and then I keep drinking; binge drinking. And my tolerance for spirits is very high unfortunately. If I don't get a grip on this, I know what the consequences will be on my family, even if I remain 'nice'. I'll be physically there but emotionally consumed with the cravings/compulsions and the remorse. I'm already starting to feel it. And I'm all too aware it progresses. And I hate that I'm feeling like this because I wasn't supposed to be like my parents. None of us want to be like that if we've grown up in a crazy, chaotic environment. I Hope this wasn't too deep...I'm just in that type of mood tonight!
By the way, congratulations on your 10 days Invisi!