I'm so touched that everyone cares so much. I don't think in my whole life I have never felt such compassion. PLEASE do not worry about me. I've been going through this for almost 15 years and other than my emotional deterioration, I'm still intact.
I thank you all for your suggestions and advice. It means the world to me and I will heed them as I go through this. I'm still thinking things through and because I don't have a clear head today (from not sleeping well), I don't want to make a decision today.
I'm processing everything and since my family won't be leaving for 2 weeks I have a little bit of time to think on this. I didn't call DV today, but likely will tomorrow. I will not be scared until I start this process and when I do, I will be on this site every moment I can.
For all of your concern, the least I can do is to keep you updated, which I promise to do. Everyone on this site has helped me more than any help I've ever received, just by listening and being here. I can't thank you enough for that. I'll keep you posted on my plans and decisions and in the meantime I will not rock any boats with ABF, and I know I'll be fine.
As an afterthought, I should mention that ABF's second wife left him 'out of the blue' after 2 years together. He was blown away. Told everyone he was a model husband and could not understand why this could have happened. He milked being the victim, and perhaps he was - I'll never personally know. I know that he was no angel, but I do know that she had several affairs and moved away with her job to be with one of these men. It took him years to get over it, and may have been the beginning of his heavy drinking (I know he always drank though - alcoholism runs in his family on both sides). I believe that if I were to do the same to him, it might take him over the edge. This is why I believe he's so worried about how it may be done and therefore it's all the more reason why I want him to 'believe' it's his decision. I cannot control him, but I may be able to work it for him to agree.
Thanks again,
TTS