Illusion & Fantasy
Dependency - Relationship
I find very useful info in this book about the sad addict-codependent dance.
HEALING THE ALCOHOLIC OR DRUG ADDICT
Healing the alcoholic or drug addict is a very difficult task, as it cannot come from the outside coming in as it is a selfish act and anything coming in would only serve their self-interest within the Law of Self. We must, first and foremost, understand that it is a complete selfish act on the part of the dependent person. To convince the dependent person that this is so, will only create denial within the self and will make them run from their responsibilities and to indulge in their addiction in the dulling of the senses. This is their escape.
The next thing to consider is that as long as there are victims or martyrs who want to play this role, the alcoholic or drug addict will continue in their self-serving interest with or without you. If someone is willing to give, they will take. It does not matter how much love the mate, family or friends give, it will only serve their self-interest. The next thing that you will realize is that you cannot deal or work with them, as their self-serving interest will deny you of fair play. They will always let you down and then tell you how sorry they are, after the fact, and if you open up your heart, they will once again help themselves to your life force and take your power away.
Ask a person who is dealing under these circumstances with a drug addict or an alcoholic in their life, “when was the last time you have enjoyed a beautiful sunny day, or laughed in the evening, or felt free as summer’s breeze with life in general?” You will have a real sad response, as they have given their life force and power away. They feel old and depleted, regardless what age they may be. They feel as life has passed them by and their outlook is always gray and gloomy. They look like Dracula’s victim. Their life force and power is gone, all by trying to help someone they believe they loved which is an “illusion & fantasy.” If you knew this person before they became a drug addict or an alcoholic, you will know and understand that this is not the same person you knew before. The Law of Self has taken over. If you met this person once they were addicted, you became deceived by your own need.
Once we acknowledge and determine, without a doubt, that dependency is a selfish act, we must then realize and acknowledge to what extent we are contributing to this selfish cause. Perfect balance is 50% - 50% and we must bring honesty into whatever our relationship is to the drug addict or alcoholic. Even if a dependent person gives up the alcohol and drugs, they are just giving up the tools to dull their senses, they are still “self-serving parasites” if they do not accept a 50% -50% relationship. Anything less than this is unacceptable to any intelligent human being, so do not give in to a parasite that wants more. They, of their own accord, must want to heal themselves and cannot be coerced or manipulated by a self- proclaimed martyr.