And - of course there is the problem with him not agreeing to my leaving, once he realizes that he will be stuck with this huge home and only his income to support it, unless he gets a tenant (and has to deal with their crap - and also have to learn how to do taxes and things like that, etc.)
He doesn't have to agree. It is NOT his choice. If you are financially able to make it without him and your mother is on board, then I don't see a problem. He can't stop you from leaving and if he can't afford the house on his own, or doesn't know how to do things on his own, that's not your problem.
My first ex was a control freak. When I left, he had all these ideas in his head about how he was going to get everything and I was going to be penniless and rue the day I left him. Well, he quickly found out that the laws don't work that way and he can rage and fight and be willing to die for 'the cause' all he wants, but in the end, he doesn't have any more rights in the matter than I do.
He's trying to intimidate you into staying right where you are. Don't let him do it.