tryintosmile

Thank you! Yes - it's blameshifting - CONSTANT blameshifting, so that he doesn't have to acknowledge or account for his behaviour. HE goes to work all the time and that gives him the license to do WHATEVER HE WANTS. It's HIS house, and HE'S the boss. He makes that clear all the time and yells it loud enough for the people downstairs to hear. He doesn't care if my mother may be sleeping.

I do need help. In reality - there should be no problem with everything being 50/50. We have 2 trucks (although one is way newer and he'd make me take the older one if I didn't want a fight). We have 2 big screen TVs. We have 2 of everything. It just has to be separated. We have about $60k equity in our house, which means that I could get at least $30k, in theory, but that would mean refinancing the house and paying off debt, which would leave me with less, but I'd STILL have something. I'm not sure that the bank would let him keep the mortgage with his salary alone, if I were to leave. I'm not sure how that works. He'd have a higher mortgage minus the extra $3200. a month from all of us that would normally be there. I'm really stumped at how to approach this.

And - of course there is the problem with him not agreeing to my leaving, once he realizes that he will be stuck with this huge home and only his income to support it, unless he gets a tenant (and has to deal with their crap - and also have to learn how to do taxes and things like that, etc.) He will have to do all the stuff that I do (all the things that he says I never do, because his favorite blameshifting rage (when he's not talking about my family) is to tell me over and over again that I never do anything, but I do. I run the whole operation. He's only responsible for his 9-5 shift, drinking, eating and sleeping.

Some help would be most appreciated. I've spoken with my mother who is ready to do whatever I decide. She needs some peace too.