Difficulty following a project
Trudging along on the happy road of recovery I come across characteristic #2:
"Adult children of alcoholics have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end."
In my case I think this is a matter of personal responsibility. I never had any examples of that as a kid. I knew I did not want to grow up to be like the adults in my family, who were completely irresponsible. However, I did not know at the time that "responsibility" was the name of the issue, never mind figuring out that I didn't have any either.
Once I got into therapy, and in the early days of my sobriety, I learned quick. I was able to latch on to the concept that being responsible would make me different from the adults in my family. That alone was a phenomenal motivator. What happened then is I went completely overboard, and as my darling wife tells me, I am now over-responsible. Which I think is really characteristic #4 and #11, but I'm getting ahead of myself :-)
I do have a great deal of difficulty focusing on a project when I'm under too much stress. I've been a stress-kitty all my life (I've only got _three_ different companies I started and manage :-) I'm used to it, but once I reach my "capacity" I become totally frazzled. At that point it takes quite a bit of effort to focus on a project and get it done, my mind just keeps wandering back to all the issues that are causing me stress. Perhaps a little of characteristic #8 there for me.
Here's is where I need to practice gratitude, as well as that ol' "Let go and let God". The gratitude I don't have a problem with, my life is filled with miracles. But that "Let go" implies trust, and that is something else I have no clue how to do. (hmmm... no "trust" issues in the list of characteristics... maybe I should call central office and offer to head up a commitee to add that in <lol>)
So I'm dialing down my "over-responsibility". I'm shutting down one of my companies, which the economy has trounced anyway. I'm giving myself permission to _not_ be the only one in charge of getting things done. Giving this Higher Power permission to take control of some things ('course, He's been in charge all along, I just can't quite figure out how to "trust" in that)
So I think I'm doing pretty good on the responsibility issues, making good progress, thanx to the other recovery programs I've been on.
Mike :-)