Yes the "Codependent No More" is a good read. I definitely saw myself in that and wished I had read it a long time ago, although I might not have been ready to accept it.
Another big thing for me was being codie - I in some ways "forced" my AH to do many things and he being "passive aggressive" did them, so somehow the rudimentary parts of our life managed. Originally, it was me who forced him to counseling and now he is doing it and it is helping him with managing his work and alcohol consumption and has yet to benefit our relationship.
One thing I never had to "force" my AH to do was drink.