We each need to do what is best for ourselves. For me I needed to separate from my AH and I did that after years hidden alcoholism, being a SAHM and with 3 kids (9yrs-16yrs).
It was hard but it worked out for the best in so many ways. It has taken me a year to clear my head. Alanon - in person meetings and reading on my own, and counseling and SR have all helped.
My AH is working on his own recovery. I am at the point where I can let him know that I support his efforts to remain sober and recover, however, I am not ready for him to move back to our home and I don't think he is ready either.
There was a lot of anger and suffering and threats of divorce but since I would have to be the one to do it all, it didn't happen, it's not what I want.
Yes, I am still at a crossroads but what each day is right now is working for me and I will make my decisions one day at a time as I continue to work on myself and my future with Alanon and SR support and self-improvement and goal setting and connecting with my children and learning to set and keep boundaries.
There is so much to do and I haven't even gotten to the fun stuff yet, I don't have time to worry what the actual structure of my relationship with AH is right now.
I agree with noday "Loving someone for their potential, or for what they are "partially" is not a good foundation for a marriage. Right now, the person you are living with is exactly the person he is willing to be, until HE decides otherwise and takes *action* to make changes happen."
Whether you choose to leave or stay is what works best for you. For me staying was difficult and caused me to just be waiting for something that may or may not happen. Even with leaving, my AH may or may not recover or be that person I want to spend the rest of my life with but at least during this time I am recovering who I am and living a true life.