((( payne)))
I remember those days with my mother. One day the playmate and best friend the next ..well you know. I went through the same with my AH this past year. I realize that this is the disease concept in action - progressive downward spiral where the bad days grow in number and the good ones disappear.
Grieving is an apt word for it. Learning to become friends with the space between you - did I say "friends" really mean "comfortable". In time that space will become filled with a real friend and better times. Maybe even more of you in your life. Space can be a really good thing because it allows room for new and other things to fill it. If you don't have that space available then someone or something else can't move into your life.
It is a process because the memories remain a part of us but this time allows us to decide how they will guide us in this life. Seems like you are recognizing this.
Keep going to meetings and find new parts of yourself to share with others. Discover new interests that will expand who you are. I can say this because what got me through this at the time is this: when I became a mother I realized that all I wanted was to do the best for my kids - I may not have always done that but the intent was there - so I thought of my mother and her intent and realized that if she were advising at the time - she wouldn't want me to be in a situation where I was getting hurt - so I surmised that she would understand that I needed the distance for my own good.
I hope that helps and that you continue to have better days.