whiskerkissed

I don't see you as aimless as you think you are. You have been aimed here! Right here on SR is where I found my introduction that I no longer - ever - have to use again. I was still getting high. My original post from 2008 is huge. The people here stayed with me. They geared me towards NA - and I finally went. You don't even have to be clean to go. The ONLY requirement is the desire to stop using.

I was the same way. The only way I could get past this was to stay off dope and those feelings lessened. There's a lot of medical fact to why we get those feelings when we try NOT to medicate, but the fact is - those feelings are so whacked out because I did medicate instead of allowing the drugs to leave - let the brain heal, and start dealing with them.

YOU are something to stay clean for!! I can't do this for anyone else or it doesn't work. I couldn't do this for my kids, or my grandson, or my parents, or anyone else. When I began doing it for me - things began to change. Just before I went into detox last year I had people picking pall bearers. That is no joke. My ex-husband was told "no contact" by those same bikers in recovery. He wasn't to see me. I'm doing this to save my own life.

I am still afraid of recovery at times. Not necessarily recovery, but the fact that I can no longer use drugs successfully. I am MORE afraid of going back to what I was. Awesome motivation right there!

AWESOME!!!!!! Introduce yourself as a newcomer if you can. Your anxiety may not let you, but if you show up a little early you can mention it to someone before the meeting. Lots of groups concentrate on sharing for the newcomer and make them feel as comfortable as possible. It took me being high to go. It took me a little longer to stop using. But with their love and guidance - I was able to stop.

Go to NA. Listen to what others share. Stay after the meeting. That's where I became most comfortable asking questions and getting to know the people.

Let us know how your first meeting went!